I just took a deep sigh, in the form of painting a bedroom, moving furniture, and begining the nesting process. I hesitate to write about my room, after watching all of the newleyweds begin posting their designs of their new spaces. I feel ill at ease with my current living situation- practical yet unsettling, getting back on my feet after a year of spending/traveling. I chose that life, and I could never pay for those experiences- I’m so thankful for them. And I’m overwhelming grateful to my generous parents for them letting me be at home. It’s been a terribly challenging emotional battle to accept my circumstances with grace- many days I wish for a place of my own in the city, whether it be cockroach infested, un-air-conditioned, or in a terrible part of town, every inch of me wants to have a place to call my own. But knowing that my current financial state would put me digging through the seats of my car to find change to fill the gas tank makes me suspect that I should allow the grace of others to influence my living situations at least for the moment.

So I have moved. At least to the “front” bedroom on the wing of the house that I call home. My previous bedroom had become this cacaphony of voices from my past and my future- my real future and my imagined one, yelling at me as I tried to sleep. I chose to paint this room white, and if you knew my history with bedroom paint colors, your jaw would drop when I told you I chose white- my bedroom during my senior year of high school was the deepest plum purple on the color wheel. I feel a strange protectiveness over this space, almost to the point where I want people to remove their shoes before entering and I want to inspect every item that dares to settle in here. I no longer feel the need to surround myself with belongings as I have in the past 10 years. Instead, I want to choose, very carefully, important items that have a lot of meaning and importance to me in my space. I want to edit mercilessly.

Spaces are important. My thought life has been a reflection of the cluttered and overwhelming space where I slept for the past few months. I hope that now I can walk into my semi-grownup world with a new serenity that reflects the bedroom where I now sleep.