In the interest of being transparent, I’d like to share a few things with you that have shaped my thinking in the past few weeks.

In the world of writing on the internets, there are certain risks you take. I certainly have not considered myself a faithful blogger, but have enjoyed sharing moments of my time abroad with people whom I love who are not with me. I write when I feel sudden urges of emotion, and sometimes that comes across too strongly or creates a miscommunication of my true feelings. I have hurt some feelings through this journey, and I regret that. My reaction is to not share what things I am learning in this forum- it seems too raw, too much. I feel like I’m overexposed, but I’m unwilling, for some reason, to remove this form of expression from my toolbox.

I need a space of contemplation and reality. My journey of spirituality (here we go with the too raw portion of the blog) has been such that I don’t feel the need to quantify time with God or grapple with growth or stages of growth. In these moments of my life, I need to connect with a depth of being that exists somewhere in the universe, in the form of something divine. Some days, I make a connection with another human being through their writings, or their photography. I believe that human connection extends across airwaves, but we must be cognizant of the limitations of the internet and not neglect actual, real, live human experience.  In the same way that some believe that having a photograph of themself taken steals their soul, I recognize that I am relinquishing some part of my soul to this space. Is it fair? Should I remain silent and save my journey in the written word? Am I doing any good?

So my journey, I guess I’m saying, has seemed very internal as of late. I don’t lead a public life, but I value the portions of others’ lives that they choose to share via this form. Many days, I’m moved by a photograph, a phrase, or a poem. Every day, I’m humbled by words. Words reverberate in my ear of my own sense of insecurity No one reads your blog…. Does it really matter? Am I doing this to breathe life into the world or to somehow create in myself a sense of worth? This culture of self-promotion seems a risky one to take on. I’m struggling.

Today, I’m thankful for a coffee shop within walking distance, a conversation with a new friend, warmth, and caffeine. I’m thankful to have eaten well and for room temperature butter. I’m thankful for a comfortable couch. I’m thankful for human connection. I’m thankful for abundance. I’m thankful for thin places.

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